Blog

In The Silence

I can be such a brat.

The other day, I decided to go to adoration. I hadn't been able to make it to the chapel in awhile, so I was excited to finally be able to go. There I was, sitting on the floor (which is my preferred place to sit in an adoration chapel), with my books neatly placed all around me. I took a deep breath and began to journal. A lot of times it takes me at least 20 minutes to get out everything I have to tell God about, and that's on a good day. After saying everything I needed to say, I decided that this was going to be a day that God would say something profound to me. Never mind Him actually having something profound to say to me at that point in time, I just really wanted Him to.

So I sat and waited silently.........

...for about a minute. Because that's all the time a person (especially a female) needs to stop thinking, quiet their heart and try to hear God's voice. A minute. (Note the sarcasm). I then proceeded to pick up my Bible. Surely God would speak to me through my Bible. I decided to partake in a little Bible Roulette. You know, when you open up to a random page of the Bible and read what your finger lands on. Attempt after attempt, it failed me. Topics of famine and war and lament (I kid you not, that's what I landed on over and over again) just weren't speaking to my heart that day. Let's be honest, Bible Roulette almost never works well.

In the middle of me struggling to "hear God speak something profound" but not actually trying to listen at all, I look over to my right and see an older gentleman walking in. Literally within 45 seconds of him sitting down, this man was out like a light. Snoring pretty loudly, I might add. This is when things got real. I'm going to get vulnerable with you all, I started judging this man a little bit. I couldn't help it. My head was filled with thoughts like, "Why is this guy here right now if he could just take a nap at home? Does he even realize that there are good intentioned people in here trying VERY hard to hear something from the Lord?! How can the Lord speak to you if you are asleep?"

And then, I heard God speak quietly in my heart.

"Sarah, sometimes I just want you to come and rest with me."

That was it. Not the "profound" I was expecting or wanting, necessarily, but there you have it. That sleeping old man taught me an important lesson that day. God isn't always going to say profound things to us. (I've been praying for awhile, I should know that by now). Spiritual life is a journey. Sometimes that means small, baby steps towards God. Other times, it means taking a leap off a cliff, trusting He's going to catch you. A lot of the time though, it means sitting in front of the Lord, resting in His presence, and learning how to still your heart so that when He does have something to say to you, you know how to recognize His voice.

As Blessed Mother Theresa says, "In the silence of the heart God speaks." Maybe He has something to say in that still, silent place of your heart or maybe He just wants to lead you to a place of rest. A place where you are free for a little while from the thoughts, the doubts, the fears that arrest our minds on a daily basis. Where you are free to think about nothing. Where you are free to just be.

I pray that you are able to visit that place of stillness with the Lord this week, even if it means falling asleep in prayer :). I pray for freedom from whatever is arresting your mind and heart right now. I pray that you get a chance to just be.

 

In the silence of the heart you speak,
and your mercy is the air I breathe.
You come to me in whispers
and forgiveness sings.
In the silence of the heart you speak;
Lord, you speak.

To the quiet of this room you come;
I am captivated by this love.
You light these darkened corners,
and I’m overcome.
To the quiet of this room you come;
Lord, you come.

Silence, fall; oh I am listening.
I am listening; sing to me.
Spirit, fall; oh please stay with me.
I am listening now;
I am listening now.

In the stillness of my soul you know;
you are hope that will not let me go.
You are the voice I follow;
you lead me home.
In the stillness of my soul you know;
Lord, you know.

In The Silence, By Sarah Kroger, Sarah Hart and Josh Blakesley